A Rush of Blood to the Head
by morningdelight
Summary: Can you ever really move on from your first love? Pezberry, Faberry, Brittana
1. Santana

**;""i Title:** A Rush of Blood to the Head

**Pairing:** Pezberry, Brittana, Faberry

**Rating:** M

**Spoilers:** Up to Journey.

**Summary:** What happens why your first love comes back to win your love?

**Disclaimer: **These characters belong to FOX.

**A/N:** This is from a prompt on the angst_meme. These will alternate points of view of all four girls and then maybe Beth!

* * *

><p>You don't expect it. It's literally the last thing that you've ever expected. When Brittany left you at the end of senior year, you had this immense feeling that you'd never see her again; yet here she is. She stands in front of your desk and you're shocked. You don't know how she found you. You expect it's through one of your friends. You were planning on seeing one of the troubled kids, help them with their problems. You didn't expect your own to be brought up. She's older, but <em>God<em> she's gotten more beautiful. You can feel your heart beat faster for her. You can't say anything. You just stare at her as if she is a dream. You stopped having dreams about her once you moved back to Lima.

"Hey San." Her voice is the same. It's light and you know if you let it, could make you feel on top of the world. "Aren't you going to say hello to me?" She asks it so innocently, almost as if the last six years didn't happen.

You can't really help but smile and say a polite hello. After all, she was your first love. It feels awkward to you, but she doesn't seem to feel that.

"Can I sit down?" You nod once you realize you haven't left your seat. Her eyes dart around your desk and a small frown appears on her lips. "Who's this?" She asks picking up one of your picture frames. You smile a little seeing which picture she picked up.

"That's Beth," you can see her eyebrows rise. She doesn't ask though, because you know she knows. You know that she left you when Quinn left Rachel. "She's grown up so much." You say quietly. She's eight now and you love her more than anything else in the world.

"She looks it." You take the moment to fully take Brittany in. Her hair is still long and her blue eyes hold so much more emotion than before. Her clothes are still mismatched, but she makes it work. Brittany's always had her own style. "How is she?"

"She's great." You say with a smile. "She loves life."

"San, I needed to find you," she says after a minute before placing the picture frame back down. "I am so sorry for what happened. I'm so sorry I left." The emotion in her voice makes it real again. All the hurt and angst you went through when she left comes rushing back.

"Brittany," Her name feels weird upon your tongue. You haven't said it in years. It seems strange and awkward.

"No, Santana, listen to me." She says more diligently, her hand reaches over to grab yours and you let her. "I was scared, but I'm not anymore. I still love you." Her voice sounds pained and you resist the urge to pull away your hands.

"Brit, I can't," You say quietly. You don't want to hurt her feelings, but she left you. She left you with just a note with "goodbye" written on it. That's not something you can just forgive and forget.

"San, I love you." You move to pull your hand away but she grips it harder. "I know that we are it. You're it for me." You want to respond but as soon as your mouth opens, the door swings open.

"I swear to God, you get to have the next on-" The rant is cut off once your wife sees Brittany. She looks radiant, beautiful, and huge. Her stomach is popped out, waiting to give the world a new life. "Oh," she says quietly and you yank your hand away from Brittany.

"Brittany. You remember Rachel," You say more authoritatively. You smile at her, giving her you hope a small sense of relief. "My wife." 

* * *

><p><em>Seven years previous:<em>

"What the _fuck_ do you want, Berry?" You spit out. You know she doesn't deserve it, but you're too pissed to care about how fucking Rachel Berry feels. Brittany's left you and nothing seems to matter anymore. Why should anything matter anymore?

"I'm sor-sorry," She says shivering. It seems ironic that it's raining. You look her over before you realize that Beth's in her car seat sheltered by what you assume is Rachel's jacket. "Quinn left me. She left Beth and me." She says and you can tell she's about to cry. You let out a long sigh before pulling Rachel's arm and dragging her inside.

"Go get some clothes. My bedrooms the second to the right," You say before taking the car seat into the living room. 

* * *

><p>"Why don't you come with us?" She asks you one night when you're finishing helping cook dinner with your papa. She's made herself welcome in your home. Your parents love her and Beth. The way she asks it is so innocent and nice. "Maybe together we can make it." You feel like slapping her for thinking this could all turn out all right.<p>

"Rachel." You've resigned yourself to using her first name. Your mother hit you on the back of your head last time you called her Berry. _Friends call friends by their names Santana._

"Beth adores you and if we both got jobs, we could do it." She says pleading with you. A part of you knows that she doesn't want to be alone, but the other part of you knows she doesn't want _you _to be alone. The summer is almost over and her dads have sold their house. She has nowhere to go and she needs help with Beth. You've both been working this summer to support Beth. It seems strange to you how you've become family with Rachel Berry in less than three months.

"Fine, but only because of the little squirt." You both know it's because of her. 

* * *

><p>"Are you ready?" She asks you quietly, her hands shaking as they strap Beth into the car seat. You can't believe that she's going to be two and a half in little less than two months. You reach over and help her out, a small smile playing out on your face as Beth smiles.<p>

"Are you?" You ask with a small chuckle before getting in the front seat of car. You're never letting Rachel drive again if you can help it. Not after she almost killed you the first time you drove together.

"I'm nervous." She admits sliding in the seat opposite yours. Your grandparents bought you this car as well as the apartment you'll be living in once you get to New York. Her dads agreed to pay the rent until you both found jobs.

"Don't worry, you'll take Broadway by storm." It's the truth and you've resigned yourself to telling her the truth. It's been months since she came to your doorstep. You can't lie to her anymore. "If you don't, then I'll just kick their asses."

She smiles a little at the comment but you know she's still upset. You don't talk about Quinn or Brittany with each other. It just hurts too much. You know she's hurting more. She has the every day reminder in Beth of what she lost. You also know she won't let that little girl go without a fight.

"Rach." You say quietly once you're on the highway. She won't look at you. She's crying and _damn_, it hurts you when she does that. "Come here," you say, your arm reaches around her shoulders, pulling her into your shoulder. The drive to the city is quiet for the next hour and you try not to focus on how good it feels to have her in your arms. 

* * *

><p>"Santana!" You rush to Beth's room and sigh in relief when nothing looks wrong.<p>

"What the hell Rachel? You scared me half to death." You know you shouldn't be swearing in front of Beth, but she doesn't berate you for it. Instead she just smiles wider.

"She said it!" The smile on Rachel's face is almost breathtaking, but you force yourself to take deep breaths to keep from smiling along with it. "She said it, San! Watch!" She turns her attention back to the two and a half year old that's playing on the ground. Beth had just in the past week found out about larger words. Every single thing that you said she would absorb like a sponge. You'd never admit that it was adorable. "Come on Bethy, say it for Rachel."

"Wick-it" She slurs out, not interested in anything but the toy in front of her.

"Hmm?" You say trying to seem uninterested.

"One more time Bethy," She says sending a wide smile your way. "Once more for Sanny." You hate the nickname so incredibly much, but you just let it slide.

"Wick-it" She says loudly clapping her hands together. All of a sudden you get it and a smile not only goes to your face but to your eyes.

"Wicked?" You ask, your arms uncrossing. Rachel seems to jump up from the floor, a wide smile on her face.

"I got it!" She almost screams in her excited state. You don't remember how but all of a sudden she's in your arms and you're kissing her. Once you do realize it, you don't stop and she doesn't either. 

* * *

><p>"Mama. Look! Look!" Beth says grabbing your hand. You've tried for weeks to get her to call you Sanny again. It doesn't work. You've become Mama and Rachel is Mommy. You want to slap the shit out of Rachel for letting her watch TV shows and interact with other kids. How the hell does a kid find out about parent's names? "Look! Look!" She says more excitedly. You don't secretly get a thrill every time she says it.<p>

"Hmm?" You hum as she drags you around the park. Once Rachel got the role on Broadway, you quit your job so you could stay home with Beth. The eighteen year old you would have hated it, the nineteen year old you doesn't mind it so much. Beth is three and the whole world's her playground.

"Ducks Mama!" She says excitedly and your heart drops. You allow yourself to be dragged to the pound, praying that Beth doesn't get any ideas about wanting ducks in her room. "Can we feed them, Mama? Please?" She asks politely, one thing that Rachel had been great at was raising a polite child.

"I don't have any bread, squirt." You say, hoping that it'll be the end of it. Instead she gives you her best pouting look and you swear she looks exactly like Quinn. You'd never admit it to Rachel, but it hurts you too to think about Quinn leaving. She had been one of your best friends and then she left.

You hope to never see her again. You'd never let her get near Rachel or Beth again, not after what she did to them.

"But Mama!" She complains loudly. You feel your cheeks heat up; you're not the one for discipline. Rachel usually does that part.

"Elizabeth!" You whisper to her quite loudly. Rachel would be proud of how far your stage whisper had come. "Please stop."

All of a sudden the wind blows and she sharply changes directions. "Mommy!" She yells and wiggles her hand out of yours. You know you should punish her, but the sight of Rachel almost makes you freeze. "Mommy!" She says again as soon as she's in Rachel's arms. You don't run to Rachel, because that would be loser-ish and you are not a loser.

"Hey," She says with a small smile. Things have been a bit awkward between the two of you lately. Ever since the kiss and the "mommies" thing, you're not sure exactly where the two of you stand.

"What are you doing here Mommy?" Beth asks excitedly as Rachel puts her down.

"I came to see my two favorite girls." She says with a bright smile to Santana. "What were you guys doing?" She asks looking down at Beth. For a moment you pray that Beth doesn't tell her about the ducks. You don't want Rachel's pity.

"We were going to feed the ducks!" Of course.

"Oh," Rachel says quietly before kneeling down in front of the small blonde. "How about we go to the park instead?" She asks quietly, her hand still intertwined with Beth's.

"But Mommy, I wanted to see the ducks," she complains, the same pout on her lips.

"I know you do Bethy." Rachel says slowly as if taking everything in. You can feel yourself shake as you stand above them. You don't think you can handle the ducks, not right now. "But seeing the ducks hurts Mama's feelings. Do you understand?" she asks quietly as Beth's eyes reach yours. She looks at you with much more knowledge and knowing that she should. "How about this, you and I will go feed the ducks this weekend, but now we'll go to the swings? Alright?"

"OK Mommy," she says before taking your hand. "I'm sorry Mama, we don't have to go see the ducks." She says giving your hand a small squeeze as if she's comforting you. You feel like laughing, but at the same time you feel like crying. As soon as the moment's over, Beth is bounding off in front of you.

"Are you OK?" Rachel asks you, a questioning look in her eyes. You don't know how to thank her, so instead you slip your hand into hers and nod your head. 

* * *

><p>The first time she brings it up you're twenty. Beth is four and a beautiful child. You can't imagine a different life anymore. Rachel's almost done with Wicked and you've gone back to school to be a psychologist. Beth goes to preschool during the day and she's begun to have sleepovers, which allow you and Rachel to become closer. It's after a fight and you're still incredibly upset. You don't remember why the fight started but it had ended with you telling her that Beth isn't even hers. Technically Beth's not either of theirs. As soon as you had said it, you had regretted it. It was only fair for Rachel to be able to slap you, so you didn't stop her. You didn't even stop her when she walked out on you.<p>

By the time she returned, you were sobbing into one of your pillows. When you had first moved into the apartment, you had shared a room with Rachel with different beds. Once you two became, well, something, you had suggested a king sized bed for the two of you and Rachel had positively beamed. You can hear her consoling you, her fingers pushing your hair out of your face. You haven't cried like this in years, and you won't again for years. When she walked out that door, all you could think about was how Brittany had never came back. You had been absolutely terrified you had lost the best thing that had ever happened to you, all because of something stupid you had said. "I'm so sorry, Rach," you sobbed as she just nodded and brushed away your tears.

"I'm not Brittany." She said quietly and you swore she could read your thoughts. "And you're not Quinn." The facts were simple but they hit you like a brick. She can't leave you; she wouldn't take Beth and leave. She loved you, didn't she? "That's okay. I don't want you to be Quinn, because I love you, Santana Lopez," She spoke quietly before kissing you. You sobbed because you were so relieved.

"I love you. I didn't mean everything I said, especially about Beth." You say kissing her again.

"I know, but you're right." She sighs softly, her eyes closing you off for a moment. "But what if she was? I mean she's abandoned her for more than a year. I did some research and we can legally file for legal custody. Quinn hasn't paid support or even contacted us. She's revoked her rights to Beth. Anyways when I was with her, Noah signed the papers to give up his rights because I was going to adopt her. All we need to do is go to the court house and legally be together and then Beth would be ours."

"Legally be together?" You ask trying not to smile through your tears. It's so funny to you how she can make you cry one moment and then elevate you to the top of the world the next. You're the one that wants to ask. You want to make it special, but you can't imagine anything more great than right now. "Rachel, you want to marry me?"

She nods sheepishly, almost embarrassed. "It would just be for Beth's sake."

"Jesus Rachel, I'm trying to ask you to marry me and you're all self-conscious." You say laughing. "You're such a dork."

She smiles through the tears and manages to nod. "Says the one marrying the dork." You spend the rest of the night showing her how much she means to you. 

* * *

><p>"Mama?" Beth asks you when she's six. You're graduating from college in the spring and you have no idea what you want to do with your life. "Why do I have blonde hair?"<p>

You take in a deep breath and silently thank God that she didn't ask Rachel. "Because, baby, God saw that Mommy and me had brown hair and thought that you'd be a perfect little angel for us." You say making it up on the spot. Rachel's better at this type of thing, but you won't be Santana Lopez if you weren't good at everything.

"Bobby says my daddy must have blonde hair, but the I told him that I don't have a daddy. Then he said I was stupid because everybody has a daddy and a mommy. So then I called him stupid and kicked him." You feel an ounce of parenting sneaking up, but an overload of pride hits you as well. Of course your little girl can stand up for herself.

"Baby, why don't we go sit down," You take her hand into the living room. You know you should tell her the truth but you don't want to upset her. "When you were just a baby, you had a daddy, but I wanted you so badly so your daddy let me have you." You say softly, hoping that this can be the end of it.

"But why couldn't you share me with him?" she asks and you want to throttle Rachel for teaching her sharing.

"Because your Daddy had to go away for a bit, so he knew that Mommy and Mama would take good care of you."

"But why?" You hands clench together. You hate that word and it's Beth's favorite.

"Because it's that way!" You exclaim, rubbing the bridge of your nose together. "Aren't mommy and I enough for you?" You can't help but ask.

"Yeah. That's what I told Bobby." 

* * *

><p>You don't get nervous. No, you're not sweating as you walk down the isle. You don't feel your heart race when the music starts and she doesn't show up. You don't secretly glance towards Beth in hopes she knows something you don't. You don't sigh in relief when she rushes down the lisle towards you with both dads at her side. You don't feel like kissing her on the spot, because you're Santana fucking Lopez and this is your future. You give her a cocky smile in hopes that you can convince her that you're not nervous. You know it doesn't work when she covers your hand with her own. She mouths, "I love you" and you can't help but smile, but this time it's for real. You really don't hear what the preacher's saying until Tina bumps you lightly on the shoulder. The moment is beautiful and Rachel's crying.<p>

"Oh, right," you sputter lightly, taking the vows from Tina. You look down and realize that none of the words really matter anymore. You could tell Rachel all the things you love about her and how she's the best thing in your life. Instead you pull her in and kiss her for all your worth. You hear Finn and Artie making catcalls while your mother sighs. "I love you. I chose you."

That night your dreams are filled with you and Rachel.

"I want to move back to Lima." The sudden appearance of your wife and the outburst has you confused and shocked. Beth is at school and your wife should be out relaxing. Instead she's burst into your guidance counseling office. "Oh, and a baby." The second one has your eyes budging out of their sockets.

"Wh-what?" It's a stutter but you'll never admit it. You've just adjusted to life in the city and with Beth. You've finally fallen into role in the city and now she wants to move?

"Oh, I'm sorry." She says flipping her hair back before giving you a chaste kiss on the cheek. "Hello Santana." She says before sitting down in the desk designated for students. For a moment you can see her as Rachel Berry, the girl with no friends and your heart breaks. But then you see her as this Rachel Lopez a radiant Broadway star that has earned a Tony. "Mr. Shuester, or I guess Will, has decided to take an early retirement and I have been offered the position."

You're shocked that she wants to go back after everything that happened there. "Lima?"

"Yes, Santana. I mean I know that we've had some bad times there, but with the new major, I hear that it has become a splendid place. Kurt is actually running for office, which I think is just wonderful. Did you hear about him and Blaine?" She disregards your shaking of your head and goes back to Rachel mode. "Anyways, Artie and Tina live there as well as your parents. Don't you want Beth to be raised by family? And they have an opening for a guidance counselor as Miss Pillsbury is leaving as well."

You don't know whether to shake her or kiss her. She's such in flight mode; it reminds you of the days before her show started. She must have drunk eight cups of coffee in the morning alone. "Baby?" You ask again and she looks at you as if you're stupid.

"Yes, baby!" She says clapping her hands together. "I think it would be wonderful for Beth to have a sibling. I know that you loved your brothers and I never got to have that."

You don't know how but your head might have nodded sending your wife into a frantic. 

* * *

><p><em>Present<em>:

"Oh. Hello _Brittany_," your wife says as she sticks out her hand and you don't know whether to be proud or upset that she's treating Brittany that way. You feel your hands clam up and you want to get out of the situation as quickly as possible.

The look on Brittany's face is heartbreaking and there's a moment where you think to reach out and hold her. No, that time is over. Brittany isn't yours to hold and you're not the one to hold her. Instead you wrap your arm protectively around Rachel's ever-large waist. "Rachel," even her voice sounds sad.

"Santana?" Rachel asks looking towards you. You smile and hope that she's not going to get upset over this later, even you doubt that she won't. Ever since she got pregnant she had been an emotional wreck, nearly sending you over the edge with her. "Are we still going out to lunch?" She asks ignoring Brittany. You smile and nod.

"Santana, wait." Brittany's voice calls you back to reality and you hate it. "Please, let's talk." She says quietly, begging you with not only her eyes.

You can feel Rachel's brimming eyes on your back and you're stuck. You don't know how but you're stuck. You should go to Rachel. You should walk out that door and never look back. There's something that holds you back and Rachel pushes you off of her. This isn't just Rachel being overdramatic. This is real and painful.

"Fine, I'll just go pick up Beth," she spits out at you before looking at you with that look. The look of disappointment hurt and anger all wrapped into one.

You can't bring yourself to watch her leave. "Brittany." You don't want her here. Your life was so simple without her in it. You fell in love again and now you're close to ruining because of her. "Can you just leave?"

"San, please." Her voice is small and you don't see it coming when she stands up to try and hug you. It reminds you of the first time she rejected you in the hallways. The pain still feels fresh when she tries to do it again. "I love you." The difference is this time she tries to kiss you. You don't stop her until she's succeeded. You feel like a cheater and you don't know what possessed you but you've slapped the blonde.

"I'm married!" You exclaim angrily. "I'm married and you left me," You can't help but add it in. It's true; she only seemed to want you when she couldn't have you. Rachel wanted you when no one else seemed to. "I love Rachel." You hate that you sound like you're trying to convince yourself and not the blonde.

"Please Santana. I need you," you don't slap her again, but leave instead. "I love you.:

When you reach the parking lot, you don't expect to see Rachel crippled over in pain. Your years of exercise after Coach Sylvester didn't fail you. You reach her in record time. "What's wrong?" She's in too much pain to be angry with you.

"There's something wrong. I think the baby's coming," She pants out before letting out a cry. You know that nothing good can happen having a baby three months early. If anything happens to Rachel or the baby, you know you'll never forgive yourself. If anything happens, there's only one person to blame: you.


	2. Quinn

**;""i Title:** Could be Someone

**Pairing:** Pezberry, Brittana, Faberry

**Rating:** M

**Spoilers:** Up to Journey.

**Summary:** What happens why your first love comes back to win your love?

**Disclaimer: **These characters belong to FOX.

**A/N:** This is from a prompt on the meme. Next one will be Brittany and then Rachel and then finally Beth.

* * *

><p>Leaving her was the hardest thing you had ever done. Leaving Rachel counted as a close second. Beth was your baby, your girl. She meant everything to you, and yet you chose your parents over your family. The summer after you left was the hardest of your life. You cried almost every night. All you could wish for was Beth and Rachel. They were all you needed, and yet they were the things you left behind. If you could go back now and change it, you would. You wouldn't leave a note. You wouldn't leave at all.<p>

All you really remember about the night you left is the burning in your chest. You left for college that day and it killed you. The pain in your chest was hot and you couldn't sleep at all. You stayed awake sobbing into your pillow. It was terrible, the worst day of your life.

You can't decide if you hate yourself more for leaving or her for not following you.

* * *

><p>The first time you see her is at her wedding. You weren't invited. It had been announced in a Broadway newsletter that you had subscribed to online. The only thing that had shocked you was the fact that she was marrying Santana Lopez. It seemed ironic that she found love in the person that Brittany had left.<p>

When you see her for the first time, your heart beats wildly. Your face flushes and you can't seem to breathe. She's alone in her dressing room and looks beautiful. She's only become more beautiful as the years have passed. Suddenly you aren't twenty-two years old, but seventeen again. Nothing seems to matter but her. Had anything ever mattered but her?

"Rachel." You breathe out her name and it sounds like a prayer on your lips. She turns around and you know that seeing you shocks her. Her wedding dress is the perfect, pure white and her brown eyes stare back at you. She seems to be in a trance and you take the opportunity to move closer to her. She has been just a dream for years after all. You just want to touch her, hold her. You know that she's it for you. She's your soul mate and you can't just lose her to Santana Lopez.

You dressed for the occasion. Your blond hair is pulled back into a clean bun at the base of your skull. You wore your purple dress because purple was always her favorite color. You suddenly wonder what Beth's favorite color is, if it's pink like yours or purple like Rachel's

"What are you doing here?" she asks you after a moment of silence. She looks bewildered and dazzled. Her eyes show hurt and confusion. You know what the surprise wears off, she'll be angry. You have to convince her fast or she won't listen to you at all.

"You can't marry Santana." You say quickly before you think about it. Well, that's a lie. For the past two weeks you have fantasized about this moment. "I made so many mistakes Rachel." You know you have. She looks at you like she's never seen you before, like you never meant anything to her. "I was just so scared. My parents scared me so much. I didn't want them to look at me like that, call me those things. I was so weak, but I'm different now. I still love you Rachel, so much."

"You left me," she says simply and you feel like crying. You left because of your parents, because of the pressure. Didn't she understand? Couldn't she? It had been too much for you. You had been seventeen years old; nobody knew what you were feeling. Rachel didn't even know what had happened. "You can't come here. I'm getting married today."

"I'm so sorry," you can feel the tears flood to your eyes. You can't help it. "I couldn't stay away. I need you, I was just so afraid. I didn't want to be a teenage mom. I didn't want you to depend on me. I didn't want Beth-" she cuts you off before you can even finish your sentence. You can see the anger rise in her eyes when you mention your daughter.

"You don't get to talk about her. You don't get the privilege to say her name, not after what you did." Her voice makes your insides twist and hurt you, but you can't stop yourself from listening. It's true. You could never deny it. "You left us. You don't get to come back and ask me to leave someone who stayed and loved Beth more than anything."

You know the tears have fallen before you can feel them. You know that you don't have the right, but you're still her mother. Rachel will always be the one for you, no matter how hard you try to deny it, no matter how much you run from it. "Please Rachel. I love you. I know you love me. I just want you, I will spend my whole life making it up to you." You beg and think about falling to your knees.

"I can't love you anymore." It's the first time she's ever walked out on you.

* * *

><p>You get a call from Brittany that makes you drop to your knees. She tells you that Rachel's in the hospital and it's bad. You don't know how you made the trip in less than fourteen hours, but by the time you get to the hospital you're a sobbing mess. You can see Brittany in the hallways and you catch a glance of Rachel's dads. The hospital is quiet and you make your way over to Brittany. It all seems foreign and uninviting. Rachel's dads look at you and you avoid their gaze. You feel judge and ashamed. It all doesn't matter now; all that matters is the fact that Rachel needed emergency surgery. You know that she was pregnant and it was another stab to your heart.<p>

Everyone stands when Santana rushes out of the doors. She looks dazzled and afraid. You don't think you've ever seen Santana as scared, not even the time when Brittany fell off the pyramid in ninth grade. She looks at you, but she's too much on a mission to come towards you. Instead she rushes into the arms of Rachel's dads who comfort her. You can't help but remember when you gave birth to Beth and they had comforted you. They had been your biggest supporters with keeping Beth. They had been convinced that you would be a great mom. You're sure that they don't think so anymore.

It's uncomfortable, but you couldn't live with yourself not being here. All you know is that the baby had decided to come early and it caused major complications.

The doors opposite where Santana entered swing open and your breath is taken away. You take a step towards her, but a hand stops you on your wrist. She bounds up to Santana and you watch. It's the first time you've seen her this close since you left. She's gorgeous and Brittany's holding you back. You can feel your eyes starting to water.

"Mama!" Her voice is perfect and high. Your eyes sting from hearing her call Santana her mother. You are her mother, well no, you were her mother. Two people not related to her in the least now hold that position. You watch as she is swept up into Santana's arm. You can see that the girl has been crying. Your heart breaks for not only Rachel, but for your Beth. Your sweet, innocent Beth. "Do I have a baby brother?" The excitement in her voice makes you want to cry and you can't hear what the response is.

You try to move closer, but Brittany's grip on your arm doesn't allow you to. You just want to see her closer. You know that walking out on Rachel, on Beth was the worst decision of your life. You also know that if Rachel doesn't recover from this, you'll never be able to forgive yourself.

* * *

><p>"Hello," the voice shakes you awake from your sleep. The chair isn't comfortable but you can't bring yourself to leave the hospital, not until you know she's going to be all right. You look up at the unwelcome source and find your daughter staring back at you. You sit up straighter in the chair and look right at her. "Are you Quinn?"<p>

You can only nod your head and look at her. She looks way too old to be only seven. Her eyes give away her maturity, but you shouldn't of thought of anything different with growing up with Rachel as her mother. "You're Beth," you say quietly, just staring at your daughter. She takes a seat next to you and folds her hands neatly in her lap, you mimic her action.

"My mom told me about you," she says after a moment, her legs don't reach the ground. You hadn't had your growth spurt until you were ten. You suddenly wonder if you'll ever know when she has her growth spurt. "You're my real mom."

You nod your head slowly. "I gave birth to you when I was sixteen." You don't know what to do. All you want to do is be her mom but that probably will never happen again.

"And then you gave me to my mom. Like Mom's mom did with her and grandpa." You nod your head. You hate that you've become as bad as Shelby. You hate that you spent hours comforting Rachel over the women and now you're on par with her. "But then momma says that you just left. They have fights about you sometimes." You can barely imagine Santana and Rachel happy together, but you can imagine them arguing. "When I'm supposed to be in bed, sometimes I listen. Mom doesn't like to talk about it, but Mama always brings you up. She says that you don't deserve me or Mom. Mama gets really upset, but she usually doesn't cry. Then Mom sometimes cries for me because I didn't know you."

"Beth." The name is as soft as a gust of wind. "I'm so sorry. You have to understand that I love you more than anything in the world." You don't know if it would be appropriate to hug her, but the ache is there in your chest. "I knew that your Mom would be the best thing for you. I'm so sorry I left."

"You know," she says looking at you straight on. For a moment you consider looking away, but her eyes seem to penetrate into your soul. "I already have two moms." The words cut through your chest and you don't think you can survive this. It kills you to have your daughter reject you. "But Mom says that you can never have enough love." She reaches over and takes your hand. A shudder runs through you back, you haven't touched her since the night you left. You had bent over her crib and kissed her soft cheek. Her hand is soft on yours and tears fill your eyes.

Who would have known forgiveness would have come from Beth first.

* * *

><p>You want to cry when you hear that Rachel has slipped into a coma. Beth is back over by Santana, holding her hand. You miss the feel of your daughter sitting next to you. You want to believe what she said; yet there's a possessiveness of Santana that makes you doubt it. Rachel's dads take Beth and you have half a mind to go see Santana. You don't know if she knows about you trying to steal Rachel away at their wedding, so you decide to go to the bathroom instead.<p>

You look the same as high school, although you can see every wrinkle, every flaw. You miss how Rachel was never able to see them. You miss being perfect to somebody. You take the time to wipe the stained tears off your face and all around brighten up. Before you can even turn the corner in the hallway, you hear the quiet whispering of Santana and Brittany.

"It was your fucking fault." You hear Santana whisper-yell. The pain is evident in her voice. "If you hadn't of come back, why did you have to come back?"

"Santana." Brittany's voice is as soft as ever and you're suddenly remembering that you have no idea how Rachel went into early labor. "I love-." She's cut off by Santana and you were best friends with the girl long enough to recognize the change in the energy of the room.

"You don't get to anymore." Santana whispers, it's softer and she sounds defeated. "Rachel's my wife and I love her. Don't you see what you did by coming back? She's in a fucking coma, Brit." You wish that you hadn't of left. If you and Rachel were still together none of this would have been an issue. Instead you had let your fears get the best of you and run away. You aren't running now, no not ever again.

"San," you can hear the desperation and sadness in Brittany's voice. She's not trying to get Santana anymore, only trying to comfort the girl. You hear a small huff from Santana and then suddenly she's standing in front of you.

You want to say something, apologize for Rachel, and say how sorry you are. Instead, your lips form a tight straight line.

"Let me guess." She starts off, folding her arms in front of herself. You can see how red-stained her eyes are. "You're here for Rachel, trying to win her back." You don't know whether to lie or tell her the truth. Instead you just swallow. "Well it's not going to work. She's my _wife._" The way she says it holds so much venom. "And Beth," she says practically shaking with anger and hurt. "Is _my_ daughter, not yours, not anymore." She says and your heart drops. You don't have the will to look at her when she walks away.

* * *

><p>He's gorgeous. His nose is perfect just like his mother's. He opens his eyes and you swear he knows your there. He doesn't cry, instead you watch as he wriggles around in his wrappings. He looks so big for three months premature. He is almost perfectly healthy. You overheard the doctors say how much of a miracle he was, how Rachel had created this perfect baby. His lungs are underdeveloped, so there is an oxygen tube going into his little nose.<p>

The moment reminds you of when you had Beth. She was in that crib once and you were standing outside looking in. Except this time, Rachel wasn't there. She wasn't there, holding your hand and cooing on how lovely Beth was. You miss that moment, you miss Rachel.

All you ever wanted was for her to be happy. Now that she's happy you can't help being disappointed that she isn't happy with you.

* * *

><p>Your dad called you a sexual devil. He said if you didn't repent and leave Rachel that you would be going on the straight train to hell. He yelled and then he cried at you. You never expected your father to cry once you told him that you were in love with a girl. You expected the names and the anger. The begging for you to repent was something totally different. Your mother cried as well, but it doesn't affect you as much as your father.<p>

You find out that night that you are still controlled by your parents. You leave when they tell you to. You return when they tell you to. When they tell you to give up the love of your life and your daughter, you do with only a second's wait. You regret the decision for the rest of your life.

You find yourself taking walks in the park, trying to spot what your daughter might look like. Not too tall, not too short. You wonder if she still has your eyes, she did when she was two. You wonder what her voice sounds like and if she can sing.

You wish for her to sing, not for you, but for Rachel.

* * *

><p>You hear her sing the first time when you are outside Rachel's hospital room. She's been in a coma for three days and it's the first time that Beth has been left alone with her. You don't want to seem like a creep, but you can't help it. You just want to see them. You were a fool for leaving. You want your girls back but you never quite got what you wanted.<p>

Her voice is high and she sounds like an angel. The song is simple, but you're not listening to the words. You want to cry at the sound. You move towards her voice and let out a small gasp when you see Rachel's body. She looks so tiny in the hospital bed. It's the first time you've actually cried since you got here.

"Beth, go see your grandfathers," you hear a voice behind you and you spin back on your heels to face Santana. You can see the hurt in her eyes, but you also see something else and it looks a lot like she's given up. She takes a step towards the hospital bed and you step out of her way. You haven't said a word to her since you left six years ago. She reaches over and slides a piece of Rachel's hair off her face. It's small, but you know it's an act of love. "I don't think she ever stopped loving you," You can hear the defeat in Santana's voice. If you were a better person you would tell Santana that Rachel loved her, but you're not, so you don't. "I mean, she sees Beth everyday. It's a lot on her," she strokes Rachel's face before locking eyes with you. "You can't get over someone if you see a piece of them everyday."

"Santana," you croak out, but you're still crying and now she's crying as well. This isn't the Santana Lopez that you left. This version of Santana looks defeated and small. You wish that you had come here to be her friend and not to steal her wife away from her.

"I won't leave until she wakes up," you can only nod your head and watch as Santana looks down at her. "She'll fight you, but eventually she'll forgive you. She probably will miss me for a while, but she'll have you. This," she says motioning to Rachel's body, "is my fault. I've always been poison to her."

She walks towards the door and you're happy for a moment. Your life is finally coming together again, but the guilt that sits in the bottom of your stomach is immense. "I'm not good enough for her," you hear Santana say at the doorframe. "And neither are you, but she loves you."

You don't realize that you were holding your breathe into she leaves the room.


	3. Brittany

**;""i Title:** Could be Someone

**Pairing:** Pezberry, Brittana, Faberry

**Rating:** M

**Spoilers:** Up to IKAG.

**Summary:** What happens why your first love comes back to win your love?

**Disclaimer: **These characters belong to FOX.

**A/N:** Gah. School sucks. Enjoy this shitty chapter of this story. The next chapter is half-way written by Rachel's POV then Beth's is the last one. Sorry about the delay! I promise the next chapter will be better (:

* * *

><p>It's not exactly like the time you got lost in the sewers before junior year. Yeah, you got lost, but it wasn't anyone else's fault but your own. You scrunch your nose in annoyance as you hear the hospital monitors from different rooms beeping over and over again. You really have no idea why you are still here. Well that's bull crap. It's because Santana's here and you're sure she's falling apart. You know how santana is. You <em>know<em> Santana.

All you really want to do is take a hot bath. You try not to imagine what Santana's feeling because you're pretty sure her heart is breaking. There is a look in her eyes she gets when she talks about Rachel, she used to get that look when she talked about you. All you can hope is that one day, she'll look at you like that again. You want to be her Brittany again, the one with no troubles or worries. Maybe Quinn being here is the best thing for you. Rachel can't possibly love Santana like you love Santana. Rachel has to know that you are the one that belongs with her. It doesn't matter that they are married, you know people get divorced every day. You can only hope that Rachel realizes it by the time she wakes. Well, if she wakes up.

"Brittany?" You look for the source and find Artie rolling towards you. You can't help but smile and throw yourself into his arms. Once upon a time, you had loved him. Once upon a time, you had believed he might be the one for you before everything happened with Santana. You haven't seen him in person in over a year. You had promised before leaving that you'd stay in contact with him. You needed someone to tell you how Santana was doing. It had broken your heart to hear that she had moved with Rachel, broke your heart to hear that she married Rachel. You were just too lost to try and win her back until now.

"Artie!" You squeal as his arms wrap around you. It feels so good to be held. You miss it. You miss him. You miss your _family_. "What are you doing here?" You ask before sitting back down in your own chair.

"Mr. Shue called us all," you aren't surprised. Santana would rather of died than having people comfort her back in high school. You were the only one that was allowed to do that and now the only person that was allowed was in a coma. You look behind him to see Tina and their half-asian baby waddling behind her. Unfortunately, you never got to find out if Tina and Mike would of had asian babies. Instead her and Artie had a half asian one. You've seen so many pictures of the kid, but seeing her in person pulls on your heart strings. "How is she?"

"She's not good. Beth and her are back there waiting," you say with a frown.

"No, not Santana, Brittany. _R__achel_," Tina says behind him, picking up their toddler and setting her on Tina's hip. You frown deeper. "How is _R__achel_ doing?"

"Oh," you say and look at your jean-covered knees. "I don't know." You're not a horrible person. Rachel just hasn't been the first on one your mind. Your cheeks burn with frustration.

* * *

><p>Dance was your life. Name any dance, any one and you could perform it. The tango, the walt, hairography, anything. Dancing happens in two categories: solos and duets. The last eight years have been filled with solos and you are finally ready to have a duet. Bringing Santana lunch is the only thing that seems reasonable in your mind after the situation with Artie and Tina. You couldn't answer their questions and you could swear Tina was trying to kill you with her eyes. You find Santana sitting on a bench a floor down from Rachel's room. Her head tucked between her knees. You've only seen Santana in this position before when you were on the cherrios and Coach would make you do sprints until you literally couldn't see anymore. Santana always lasted far longer than you. Your head would kill but you couldn't stop from watching her run back and forth. She had always been the strong one.<p>

"Breadstick?" You offer as a peace treaty. The last time you two talked, she blamed you for Rachel and all you had done was cry.

"Britt," the sound of her voice makes you want to cry. "Why did you leave? Why did you do this to me?" She asks and you can feel her walls tumbling. You don't have a response. There was no good reason for you to leave. "Was it that easy just to walk out?" She asks and your heart breaks. You don't want to think about it. You don't want to think about what you were feeling when you left.

"I'm so sorry," you whimper before sitting besides her. You don't touch her, but you want her to know that you won't just walk out again.

* * *

><p><em>"Come on, don't cry Britt," Santana begs as you lay, face in her pillow on her bed. She's rubbing your back soothingly, but you've already decided your fate. You can't stay here. You can't go with her to the university. You just want to dance. Doesn't she understand that? Can't she understand that you just want to dance? "We're gonna be fine." <em>

_"Tana," you whimper as you turn your head to face her. _

_"We have all summer to figure it out, Britt," she says with a smile, her hand running through your long locks. The way she looks at you, it makes you feel like you could be the greatest person on the planet. Ever since the thing with Finn and her coming out, she's been so sweet to you. The rest of the world? Not so much, but to you always. She's been hugging you and sneaking kisses whenever and wherever. It only makes you feel worse for the decision you've made. "Si, estro no es querer entonces dime tu lo que sera, si nesecition de tus besos pa que pueda respirar," Santana starts singing softly to you, almost as if she's singing you a lullaby. Even though you can't understand any of it, you smile and feel like crying. "Y de tus ojos que van regalando vida y que me dejan sin salida y para que quiero salir. Si nunca he sido tan feliz. Que te prefiero mas que nada en este mundo."_

_You kiss her slowly when she stops singing. You're doing this for yourself. You have to leave. You have to. You allow her to curl against you and get one last night of sleep in each other's arm. By the time she wakes up, you are already gone._

* * *

><p>This pain shouldn't have to happen. You shouldn't have to sit and wonder if your friend is going to wake up. You shouldn't have to wonder if someone is going to live or <em>die<em>. It's just not fair and you can't think of anything to do to make yourself, or Santana, feel better. Beth has been in and out of the hospital visting her mother while staying with her grandfathers. You have left once to shower and Santana hasn't left at all. All of the glee kids have been here. Some cry and other's don't. You wish you had kept your promise to talk to all of them. Every time you see them, you want to cry. They are all old and not the same people they were in high school. Finn is one of the first ones to visit. Actually he's there before Quinn even arrives. He's working at Ohio State with his wife, Louisa. Santana lets him hug her and Brittany so desperately wishes to be him. She doesn't actually see what happens when he goes to see Rachel, but she can tell he's been crying. Then it's Artie and Tina, then Puck, then Mercedes, then Mike. Kurt and Blaine refuse to even acknowledge you when they visit. They completely ignore you and Quinn and it breaks your heart a little more. There has never been any resentment between you and them, but you haven't exactly talked to them since graduation. You can feel the judgement in Kurt's stare and Blaine just puts a hand on his back and his attention is away from you.

"Stay away from them," is the only thing that Sam has to say to you when he visits. You can only assume, by the way Santana nearly leaps into his arms, that they have stayed close. "You aren't going to break her heart again," he says directed towards Quinn before leaving you two in your sadness.

Occasionally other people come to see Rachel, people you have never met. People that hug Santana and Santana lets them. People that are allowed to comfort her, while you just sit and watch. This sucks.

You only wanted Santana back. You didn't want Rachel to end up in a coma. You're happy that you called Quinn because she's usually by your side. You sometimes have to avoid her because Santana, at first, refused to even look at you when Quinn was near. This isn't your fault. You hadn't called Quinn hoping that she would steal Rachel away from Santana. That would of been _cruel_. You want Santana back badly, but not that badly. You're lucky, though. The first few days, Santana is more angry at Quinn than she is at you. Then they seem to come together and you can't help but feel jealous. Because now Quinn is getting to spend time with Rachel, holding her hand and getting to know Beth. Whenever you talk to Santana she either yells at you or cries. You hate that that is the emotion you now draw from her.

* * *

><p>It's just not fair. How come Quinn gets to get Rachel back and Santana still refuses to actually talk to you? "Santana," you whisper as you approach her when she's getting coffee. "When was the last time you showered?" You can't help but notice the smell that is coming off of her. She just shrugs and you sigh. "Come one," you demand and to your surprise, she follows you. She is in no condition to drive and luckily her GPS has a "home" setting.<p>

God, even their house is perfect. The white picket fence surrounding it almost makes you laugh. How the hell did Santana agree to this? The Santana you knew would only of let you have this perfect of a life if you had begged in the form of sexual favors. You shuddered to think that maybe that was exactly what Rachel had done. You want to help her out of the car, but she scowls at you and your heart warms a bit, knowing that Santana more than the one portrayed by the house.

The inside of the house makes you want to die. It's perfect, like out of a magazine. It makes you want to break things, smash the lamps, ruin the grand piano in the living, instead you follow Santana up to her bedroom. The king size bed is made perfectly. Rachel must of done it before the accident. Santana slams the door to the master bathroom shut in your face. You take this as an opportunity to wander about the house. There is three other bedrooms and one belongs to Beth. It is the perfect little girl's bedroom. Pink and all. You smile as you walk around, trying not to disturb anything. You can tell that this is the only room that has been lived in since Rachel left. The bed is left unmade and clothes are pilling up on the floor. You consider bending down and picking up the clothes, setting them in the basket but decide against it.

There are pictures all against the wall between the two bedrooms. Pictures of Beth as a baby, of Santana holding Beth, of Rachel holding Beth. Every sort of combination of the three people. One brings tears to your eyes. It's a candid picture of Santana and Rachel. Rachel is absorbed in talking to Beth, smiles on each of their faces. You can tell Rachel was pregnant at the time because of the way her hand rest on her slightly protruding stomach. Santana is the one that you focus into. She's smiling, looking at Rachel with this glint in her eyes, almost if nothing could ever be better.

The next bedroom almost makes you cry. It's his bedroom, the baby boy Rachel might of died because of. It is painted a sky blue with the most perfect crib you've ever laid eyes on. You can't imagine that Santana has been in here recently. The wound is too fresh. You wonder what will Santana will do with her son if Rachel doesn't wake up. Nothing in your soul wishes that Rachel dies, you wouldn't wish that upon anyone. You just wish she wakes up not loving Santana.

"What are you doing in here?" The voice startles you and you drop the teddy bear you had been holding. You bring your hand to your heart. It wouldn't of good for you to have to be put in the hospital because of a heart attack.

"I thought it was the bathroom..." you say as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Anyone else would of looked at you like you were stupid, but Santana only sighs lightly and drops her head. Her hair only drops to her shoulders now. You almost miss her long hair, but you can imagine running your hands through this new cut and loving it. She's older but so are you.

"He doesn't have a name yet," she says softly. It takes you a minute to realize that she's talking to you, not herself. "We had talked about a few, but she would kill me if I made that decision without her approval."

The sound of her voice makes you want to cry. Where is your Santana? Why is she so broken? Had you done this? You had never had to deal with this Santana and quite frankly you didn't know how. "San," you say quietly, wanting desperately to hug her, do something. She just stands in the doorway, leaning against the frame for support.

"What if she doesn't wake up?" She asks making eye contact with you. The desperate urge to pull away overwhelms you, but you try to stay calm as her eyes bare into yours. You honestly don't know. Nobody asks you anything. Nobody trusts you to give advice. You had once suggested that Tina use an un-tanning salon to turn white. This wasn't your thing, so instead you say the only thing you know.

"You'll have me," you say with a hopeful smile. There is no way you'd leave Santana alone, not again.

Santana looks at you and shakes her head. The smile disappears from your face. "I will never love you like I did again, Brittany," she says softly. "It will always only be Rachel."

You run out of there as fast as your shaking legs will let you.

* * *

><p>Quinn hugs the breathe out of you when you learn that Rachel has woken up. You bring a smile to your face and she sprints out of the room to see Rachel. Why does Quinn get a happy ending? Why can't you have one? Your heart breaks knowing that Quinn is going to win Rachel back and Santana is going to be alone. Maybe Santana could love you again. Even if it's not the epic love you wanted.<p>

Sometimes in life, you don't get what you want.


End file.
